The Onion has a HILARIOUS, yet terrible at the same time.

Here’s the headline:

"Drug Dealer Disappointed Josh Hamilton Didn’t Reach Full Potential As Heroin Addict"

Here’s the story…..yikes this is terrible:

Benjamin "Dry Bones" Gray, a drug dealer and former supplier to Texas Rangers outfielder Josh Hamilton, expressed bitter disappointment over the centerfielder’s all-too-brief career as a heroin addict. "I’ve never seen anyone like Josh. He was a natural," said Gray, who helped Hamilton hone his drug-abusing talents during a stop with the minor league Orlando Rays. "He did all the little things you just can’t teach—injecting between his toes, nodding off wherever, selling all his stuff for money to buy more heroin…The man had everything you need to inject heroin into his body, not to mention crack cocaine. That was the beauty of Josh Hamilton: He could do it all." Asked to describe Hamilton’s addiction skill set against the all-time greats, Gray said Hamilton could have been "the next William S. Burroughs."

Don’t kill me if that offends you.

Hopefully the game Sunday will be as effin sweet as this one was, but without Dallas scoring at all.  Maybe our secondary was just messing around in the preseason.  Yeah?  Yeah I didn’t think so.

Whatev.  Enjoy.

I know I said we were gonna wait until Monday, but we decided to launch it early:

Here ya go, our Browns blog:

Savage Dawgs.

Don’t be losers and not post anything either.  I’m not the only one doing this one, so there will be way more updates, and for a team that is actually gonna be fun to watch.

Kind of like the Tribe in April.

So go there nerds.

I know this is a Tribe/baseball blog, but I had to post this now so everyone can see this.

As we all know, the Browns are playing the Cowboys this weekend, and although they’re very similar teams, I am going to show you why the Browns will win.

Terrence Newman.

The star DB is a wuss.  I mean a huge wuss.  Nobody from Cleveland should ever lose to this guy:

So, the Florida Marlins beat the Atlanta Braves yesterday, and guess how many people attended the game to see the victory?

10,000?

Nope.

2,000?

Nah.

1,000?

No way.

Freaking 600 people.

600?!?!?!  Are you kidding me?  600 freaking people.  That is ridiculous.  Baseball should not be in Florida.  They have the best team in the AL in Tampa Bay, and they can’t even get 15,000 people there.

I hate Florida baseball fans.

As everyone knows, the Indians have the all-time record for most consecutive sellouts, at 455.

Sadly, on Monday, the freakin’ Red Sox will set the record against the Tampa Bay Rays.

I hate the Red Sox, and I hate that they are going to break the record.

I wrote a post yesterday about how Tatum Bell stole Rudi Johnson’s bags as he was negotiating a contract.

Courtesy of SI.com, here is an update:

The empty bags were returned Tuesday evening, but Johnson said he is still missing $200, his ID, credit cards and clothes. Johnson said he had spoken with Bell and did not plan to involve the police.

Oh, and by the way, he has denied stealing the bags, but he returns two empty bags?

What Rudi Johnson said is even funnier:

All this happened once he got released,” Johnson said Wednesday as he came off the practice field. “He came here to get some stuff out of his locker. That’s when he scooped the bags up. Some real shyster, conniving stuff, man.

Who says shyster anymore?

Is it too much to ask to sweep the first place team in the division to make a miracle run to close the season?  Ok, maybe it is, but you know what I mean.  Here are my thoughts from the "business man’s special" (I hate that term):

• Here is what the game plan for Jeremy Sowers should be.  Pitch him four innings, and that’s it.  I don’t care if he has a perfect game going, four innings max.  He simply falls apart afterwards.  Does anybody disagree with that?
• Did you know that Nick Swisher did the "O-H" Ohio State cheer as he crossed home plate?  I think that was pretty sweet.
• My boy Shin-Soo Choo had another two hits.  It’s gonna be too bad when he has to leave the team for the military.  Does anybody know when that is?
• Also, they had their bum squad on the diamond.  Carlos Quinten, A.J., Ken Griffey, Jr., Joe Crede were all on the bench, and Thome didn’t come in until the 9th.  That makes me mad.
• Also, Cleveland fans, stop booing Jim Thome.  Let it go, it’s immature and lame.

Well we had it down to a single digit in regards to games back, and now we’re back to 10 1/2.  For some reason that one game makes a HUGE difference for me.  Whatev.

I wish the Browns blog was up and running, because this would be a perfect story for it (it will be called Savage Dawgs, by the way).

So the Lions signed Rudi Johnson, pretty much making Tatum Bell expendable.  Which he was, and he was informed he would be released.

Meanwhile, Rudi Johnson is in GM extraordinaire Matt Millen’s office hammering out the one year deal he signed, and he left his bags outside of the office.

What does Tatum Bell do?  Well steal the bags of course.  Here is what With Leather says happened in the Lions headquarters:

Bell took the bags to the house of a female acquaintance.  When confronted on the matter, Bell offered up some cockamamie story that he thought the bags belonged to someone he knew.  The girl, however, said that she hadn’t seen Bell in several months and he showed up out of the blue and asked her to keep the bags for a while.

That is hilarious.  I can see it now.  "Eff Rudi Johnson!  He got cut by the frickin’ BENGALS.  THE FRICKIN’ BENGALS.  Screw this, let’s see him succeed without any of his $*&%!"

Check out this dude, who jukes the hell out of the catcher.

Yes you heard me, a baseball player who has moves like Barry Sanders (or Jerome Harrison in the preseason).